Absolutely brutal Facebook Lottery spam email

If you fell for this, YES, I AM TALKING TO YOU!

Wow, I mean, are spammers even trying anymore? I don’t expect spam emails to follow the Chicago Manual of Style to the letter, but how about at least trying to at least slightly resemble English? This gem below, clearly unedited, was of the “Facebook Lottery” variety (for the love of God, people, there is NO SUCH THING as a Facebook Lottery):

From: info@aim.com
Reply-to: facebookwoldwide.lnc@gmail.com
Sent: 3/30/2014 4:15:55 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time
Subj: FACEBOOK ONLINE LOTTERY PROGRAMME 2014, CONTACT E-mail: (facebooklottoworldwide.lnc@gmail.com)

FACEBOOK ONLINE LOTTERY PROGRAMME 2014

FROM: THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT.

INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD.

BATCH NUMBER: 2551236002/244

SERIAL NUMBER. 55643451907

TICKET NUMBER: 5647600545189

CATEGORY: 2nd

Dear Winner ,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual Final draws held on the (25th Of March 2014.) by Face book group in cash Promotion to encourage the usage of Face book world state dollars) each on the Face book group promotion Award Attached to ticket number (5647600545189) and Ref No (2551256002/244) Serial Number (55643451907).

The online draws was Conducted by a random selection of email you where picked by an Advanced automated random computer search from the Face book in other To claim your $600,000.00USD the lottery program which is a new innovation by Face book, is aimed at saying A BIG THANK YOU to all our users for making Face book their number one means to connect, communicate,relate and hook up with their families and friends over the years.

This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants and Scam artists All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies’ and 30,000,000 individuals’ email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every three years.You have to be Rest assured that this is Real and Legal..and there are Some Scam artists around…Thanks to the FBI…216 of them have been arrested… The software corporation to encourage some few individuals with web site and email addresses promoted this lottery.

Your name was selected in a raffle that was made on the 28th Of March 2014. so we need your fast response so that we can proceed with the delivery of your fund .You are required to contact our payment dept via e-mail:

E-mail: facebooklottoworldwide.lnc@gmail.com

Phone: +1 (301) 678-9083

With information below in order for us to complete your winning certificate and for further information regarding the disbursement of your lottery win.

FULL NAME:

FULL CONTACT ADDRESS:

MOBILE PHONE NUMBER:

OCCUPATION:

MARITAL STATUS AND AGE :

NATIONALITY / COUNTRY:

TICKET NUMBER:

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS:

REF NUMBER:

SERIAL NUMBER:

you can also contact the FBI Agent in person for more information and advise and give him your number so he can call or text you.

Email: investigation.onlineoffice@gmail.com

Remember all winnings must be claimed not later than 20 of April 2014. After this date, all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. To avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your

reference and batch numbers in all correspondences. Furthermore, if there is any change in email address please contact us on time To enable him issue you certificate of winning Accept my hearty congratulations once again.

CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN FROM FACE BOOK!!!!

APPROVED AND SIGNED

I mean, where do I start with the mistakes, obvious red flags, and blatant stupidity in this one?

  • The reply to email is facebookwoldwide.lnc@gmail.com. What does “woldwide” mean?
  • From the desk of the president? Facebook doesn’t HAVE a president. The two top executives in the company are Mark Zuckerberg (CEO) and Sheryl Sandberg (COO).
  • It’s Facebook, not Face book.
  • “You have to be Rest assured that this is Real and Legal..and there are Some Scam artists around…Thanks to the FBI…216 of them have been arrested…” I hope this asshole is No. 217. Is that sentence even English?
  • Why are you asking for an email address? You obviously HAVE the fucking email address. I got an email, didn’t I?
  • “you can also contact the FBI Agent in person for more information and advise and give him your number so he can call or text you.” Even if a Facebook Lottery DID exist, what role, exactly, would the FBI play in it?

If anyone fell for this, they should never be allowed to use a computer, cell phone, tablet, or oxygen again.

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Another day, another dolt

The text box with the tips email for the blog I work on says, “Send us a tip.” It doesn’t say, “Please come to us for Facebook technical support.” Nor does it say, “We are Facebook. Email us, and we will solve all your problems and send over a case of beer for your troubles.” Yet emails dripping with stupidity continue to swim through the broadband pipes and into my inbox.

Here is the latest gem, unedited except for removing names and email addresses.

WHY?

I don’t know. You tell me.

I certainly hope that this email gets to a real live human being at Facebook.

Well, maybe actually contacting Facebook would be a step in the right direction, ass hat. We are not Facebook. We are a blog that covers Facebook.

I, like many Facebook Enthusiasts, have two or more Email address..  One is for personal use and the other for business.  You have had my PERSONAL ADDRESS FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS – as it is my personal address.

I also have two or more Email address. Maybe we should date.

I’ve kept my business address to myself – because my boss does not permit anyone to use a company email address for non-business purposes.  Why?  I neither know nor care.  It does seem prudent however.

Someone hired you? Great Caesar’s Ghost!

Somehow Facebook accidentally found out my business Email address.

Somehow, as in, you probably did something stupid. Facebook is closing in on 1 billion users and getting ready to go public. I’m sure snooping for users’ secondary email addresses is not on the to-do list in Menlo Park.

Since this happened Facebook has sent me NUMEROUS EMAILS TELLING ME TO USE WHAT IS, IN FACT, MY BUSINESS ADDRESS.  ALL OF MY PLEAS TO CONTINUE USING MY PERSONAL GMAIL ADDRESS HAVE GONE UNANSWERED.

Well, that sucks, and I can’t really think of an explanation, but what do you expect me to do about it? Pick up my red phone that gives me instant access to Zuck?

I really like Facebook and would really like to continue using it – but not at the potential cost of losing my job over it.

Yeah, this is probably the first wise thing you’ve said, because if I were you, I wouldn’t want to run the risk of hoping someone else gets suckered into hiring me, either.

Could you PLEASE find someway to adjust you polices, procedures, operating practices, or whatever to return my personal email address back to me?

Dude, I am not trying to adjust any polices. They carry guns. I could find some way to adjust my personal policies, sure, but making fun of dolts like you is just too enjoyable. As far as adjusting Facebook’s policies, well, that’s slightly above my pay grade.

What the hell is wrong with people? When did, “Send us a tip,” become, “Please allow us to drop everything we’re doing and help you with all of your Facebook difficulties?”

Email stupidity continues to run rampant

The blog I write for is fortunate enough to count among its readership some very intelligent, sharp, bright people, who add to our posts about Facebook with relevant questions and comments that keep the discussion moving. For that, I am incredibly grateful.

Dumb asses ...

However, as grateful as I am for the smart portion of our readership, the not-so-smart portion of our readership makes me wonder why some people were ever allowed to reproduce.

One of the most popular annoying types of emails we receive through our tips or contact us email addresses are from people who simply cannot grasp the concept that we are NOT Facebook: We are a BLOG that covers Facebook.

Maybe it’s me, but no matter what language barriers may exist (and most of these people supposedly speak English, which makes this even scarier), I do not see any possible way that “Send us a tip” can be translated into “Ask us for Facebook technical support.”

Yet we continue to get gems like this one from this past weekend:

I just want to be completely removed from Facebook. Thank you.

I thought I went through the steps but I guess not. Please let me know if what I did, did do that. Thank you.

Well, genius, apparently one of “the steps” didn’t involve, oh, I don’t know, CONTACTING FACEBOOK AND NOT US? It’s a wonder that this person actually managed to sign up for Facebook in the first place. Emails like this make my brain hurt.

A few weeks ago, we got another series of emails from a lovesick fellow from India, who was apparently blocked by the woman he was stalking. His emails ranged from desperation to demanding that we tell him right away who blocked him on Facebook. Um, yeah, we’ll get right on that.

Another favorite type of email from the dopes who think they’re writing to Facebook is people demanding things. “I do not like timeline. Put the old version back right now. Or else.”

Or else WHAT, idiot? If I actually did work for Facebook, I would email this guy anonymously and say: “Listen, moron. You don’t pay one cent for Facebook. You do not have a constitutional or God-given right to be on Facebook. We’ll change whatever we feel like changing, and if you don’t like it, feel free to leave. You won’t be missed, considering the fact that we’re approaching 1 billion users, most of whom are apparently smarter than you are. Have a nice life.”

Our blog does not even remotely look like Facebook, save for using the same blue color. Apparently, the same people who don’t understand the phrase, “Send us a tip,” also have difficulty comprehending, “The unofficial Facebook resource.”

Wow, are some people stupid.