Absolutely brutal Facebook Lottery spam email

If you fell for this, YES, I AM TALKING TO YOU!

Wow, I mean, are spammers even trying anymore? I don’t expect spam emails to follow the Chicago Manual of Style to the letter, but how about at least trying to at least slightly resemble English? This gem below, clearly unedited, was of the “Facebook Lottery” variety (for the love of God, people, there is NO SUCH THING as a Facebook Lottery):

From: info@aim.com
Reply-to: facebookwoldwide.lnc@gmail.com
Sent: 3/30/2014 4:15:55 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time
Subj: FACEBOOK ONLINE LOTTERY PROGRAMME 2014, CONTACT E-mail: (facebooklottoworldwide.lnc@gmail.com)

FACEBOOK ONLINE LOTTERY PROGRAMME 2014

FROM: THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT.

INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD.

BATCH NUMBER: 2551236002/244

SERIAL NUMBER. 55643451907

TICKET NUMBER: 5647600545189

CATEGORY: 2nd

Dear Winner ,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual Final draws held on the (25th Of March 2014.) by Face book group in cash Promotion to encourage the usage of Face book world state dollars) each on the Face book group promotion Award Attached to ticket number (5647600545189) and Ref No (2551256002/244) Serial Number (55643451907).

The online draws was Conducted by a random selection of email you where picked by an Advanced automated random computer search from the Face book in other To claim your $600,000.00USD the lottery program which is a new innovation by Face book, is aimed at saying A BIG THANK YOU to all our users for making Face book their number one means to connect, communicate,relate and hook up with their families and friends over the years.

This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants and Scam artists All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies’ and 30,000,000 individuals’ email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every three years.You have to be Rest assured that this is Real and Legal..and there are Some Scam artists around…Thanks to the FBI…216 of them have been arrested… The software corporation to encourage some few individuals with web site and email addresses promoted this lottery.

Your name was selected in a raffle that was made on the 28th Of March 2014. so we need your fast response so that we can proceed with the delivery of your fund .You are required to contact our payment dept via e-mail:

E-mail: facebooklottoworldwide.lnc@gmail.com

Phone: +1 (301) 678-9083

With information below in order for us to complete your winning certificate and for further information regarding the disbursement of your lottery win.

FULL NAME:

FULL CONTACT ADDRESS:

MOBILE PHONE NUMBER:

OCCUPATION:

MARITAL STATUS AND AGE :

NATIONALITY / COUNTRY:

TICKET NUMBER:

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS:

REF NUMBER:

SERIAL NUMBER:

you can also contact the FBI Agent in person for more information and advise and give him your number so he can call or text you.

Email: investigation.onlineoffice@gmail.com

Remember all winnings must be claimed not later than 20 of April 2014. After this date, all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. To avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your

reference and batch numbers in all correspondences. Furthermore, if there is any change in email address please contact us on time To enable him issue you certificate of winning Accept my hearty congratulations once again.

CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN FROM FACE BOOK!!!!

APPROVED AND SIGNED

I mean, where do I start with the mistakes, obvious red flags, and blatant stupidity in this one?

  • The reply to email is facebookwoldwide.lnc@gmail.com. What does “woldwide” mean?
  • From the desk of the president? Facebook doesn’t HAVE a president. The two top executives in the company are Mark Zuckerberg (CEO) and Sheryl Sandberg (COO).
  • It’s Facebook, not Face book.
  • “You have to be Rest assured that this is Real and Legal..and there are Some Scam artists around…Thanks to the FBI…216 of them have been arrested…” I hope this asshole is No. 217. Is that sentence even English?
  • Why are you asking for an email address? You obviously HAVE the fucking email address. I got an email, didn’t I?
  • “you can also contact the FBI Agent in person for more information and advise and give him your number so he can call or text you.” Even if a Facebook Lottery DID exist, what role, exactly, would the FBI play in it?

If anyone fell for this, they should never be allowed to use a computer, cell phone, tablet, or oxygen again.

Dennis should have stayed out of Spain

Old-school spam is coming back with a vengeance, which does not give me much hope for society, since it means that people are still stupid enough to fall for crap like this (unedited, as always):

I’m sorry for this odd request because it might get to you too urgent but it’s because of the situation of things right now:

I am stuck in Spain with my family. we came here for a short Vacation and got ROBBED last night; Cash, phones and other valuables were stolen. It was crazy and very terrifying. The authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing is i still have my passport and flight leaves today but I’m having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until i settle the bills.

Please I need you to loan me some CASH. I will reimburse you as soon as I’m back home, you have my words

Thanks

Dennis

Well, Dennis, you are shit out of luck for the following reasons:

  • I don’t know anyone named Dennis.
  • Your request got to me too urgent, but I really don’t give a shit.
  • I hope the authorities who bust you for spamming are even less supported. In fact, I hope they taze you until smoke is coming out of your ass.
  • “Having your words” could not possibly mean less to me. The only place your words are going is the spam folder.

For the love of God, people, STOP FALLING FOR SHIT LIKE THIS! If it didn’t still work, these miscreants wouldn’t still be sending it out.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is

The lack of common sense by Web surfers continues unabated, much to no one’s surprise. This time, as reported by New York Magazine’s Daily Intel, the morons are the Facebook users who actually believed that becoming a fan of IKEA.com would net them $1,000 gift cards. Seriously?

DUH

People, look at the math. Facebook has more than 400 million active users. If 1% of those users, or 4 million, opted to take IKEA up on its supposed offer, it would cost the Swedish furniture chain and provider of lousy instructions $4 billion. IKEA’s profits for its last fiscal year, which ended in August, were 21.5 billion Euros, or approximately $28.65 billion, so the company isn’t exactly in danger of filing for Chapter 11 anytime soon. But if it chose to give away almost 14% of its profits to people simply for becoming fans of its Web page, Chapter 11 would be just around the corner.

So, what happened? The scammer or scammers behind the fake IKEA promotion received the personal information of a bunch of suckers who are probably still waiting for their $1,000 IKEA gift cards.

Every time I think stupidity has reached a new low, I find myself proven wrong in a swift fashion. Wow, are people stupid.