Nice try, shady Nissan dealer

I had an incredibly frustrating experience with a local Nissan dealer that I wanted to share so other Nissan owners don’t fall victim to the same shenanigans. I won’t name the dealer, because everything was resolved in the end, and I don’t want its name to show up in Google searches, but anyone who knows where I live can probably figure it out. And if any of my friends also drive Nissans and want to avoid this place (highly recommended), email me and I’ll tell you which dealer it was.

HomeyOne Sunday last month, I drove to my softball quarterfinal and semifinal doubleheader, blasting Rush to help wake me up. That was the last time my car stereo worked properly. I actually didn’t use it on the way back from the field, because I took our dog home from the park. I also drove into Hoboken and back that afternoon, but didn’t have any music on because the entire family was in the car.

The next morning, when I started up the Rogue to go satisfy my craving for Dunkin Donuts iced coffee, the very same Rush CD was playing, but there was dead silence in the car. The same thing happened with the radio, and with a different CD. The stereo was powering up, spinning the CD and pulling in radio signals, but nothing at all was coming out of the speakers.

I decided to take the Rogue in that day and choose between two nearby dealers, clearly making the wrong choice. I should have gone to the dealer in the better area, but I thought the traffic would be lighter going to the one in the crappier area, and I knew exactly where it was. My gut told me to go to the better dealer, but I didn’t listen.

I drove to the dealer late that morning and, after waiting about an hour (perfectly acceptable wait), I was told that a new radio was being ordered, and that everything was under warranty, so it wouldn’t cost me anything. The woman at the front desk said the radio should arrive by the end of that week, and someone from the dealership would call when it was received.

I never heard from the dealership, so I called the following Monday and, no exaggeration, spoke with seven different people and was put on hold for several minutes three different times, just to find out if the radio had arrived (it did, and no one bothered to call) and to set up an appointment to get it installed.

I brought the Rogue in that Tuesday and, after two-and-a-half hours, the technician who worked on the job came into the waiting area and told me there were coins in my car stereo, and that putting a new unit in didn’t solve the problem, so I’d have to bring the car back another day and leave it there. When I said I had no idea how coins could have gotten into the stereo, he mentioned noticing the car seat in the back and said kids do things like this all the time.

My kid has never, ever been in the front seat of my car. And I don’t keep coins in the car anymore. I used to keep quarters in the car for meters, but most meters in Hoboken and Manhattan have been converted to the centralized payment boxes that accept cards.

While I did buy my Rogue used, I have had it since January 2013, and I have listened to CDs or Yankees games just about every time I have driven the car. I have never, ever heard anything resembling the sound of loose coins jingling around my radio. It’s a very obvious sound and pretty hard to miss.

I was asked to bring the car back that Friday and leave it at the dealership. Again, my gut told me to bring it to a different dealer, but I was swamped that week, so I kept the appointment.

After not hearing anything all day, I called late in the afternoon, and they said they’d check on the car. A different person called back and said I could come get the car by 6, and then asked how I intended to pay for the radio. When I mentioned that I was told everything was covered by warranty, he said, “Well, the coins in your radio made your warranty invalid.”

At this point, I absolutely blew a gasket, and insisted that there was no way I was responsible for putting coins in my car radio, because I am not a moron, and there was no way my kid was responsible because, as I said earlier, he has never been in the front seat of my car.

I asked how much they were trying to charge me, and the total came to about $600, between the new radio and labor. I said, “Don’t you think someone should have called me and ASKED if I wanted to spend $600 repairing a radio?” After a few seconds of silence, he said he would call me back, and he did a few minutes later to tell me they would figure out a way to put the repair through under warranty, and I could come get my car.

I have two conclusions, although I don’t have solid proof of either. The first is that the only reason they didn’t press the issue on paying for this job is the fact that no one called to ask my permission to move forward. The second, and more controversial, is that they had a radio with coins stuffed into it sitting around, and when they saw the car seat in my car, figured they could convince me that my kid put coins in my radio, so that they didn’t have to pay for it.

There was absolutely no way in hell I was giving this dealership $600, or even $6.

Anyway, as I said, I won’t name the dealer, because the situation was resolved (albeit with tons of aggravation), and I don’t want people Googling that dealer to come across a blog post. I struggled with the decision on that, but I feel like it’s the right thing to do.

But as a general word of caution, be careful when you pull into a dealership with a car seat in your car. Certain people apparently think car seats are an invitation to pull off shady things. Not on my watch

0.9 Logic

headscratcherNow that 0.9 is a solid two-and-a-half years old and approaching three, his communications skills have evolved far beyond “cat” (his first word), “geh” (his go-to for several months) and “no” (although the latter is still his favorite). His ability to express himself has given me some insight into his logic, and it greatly amuses me. Here are some examples.

One of the first times that I had to both drop him off at daycare and pick him up, I explained to him that Mommy was on the choo-choo, since he’s obsessed with trains. The next time, Mommy actually drove, but when 0.9 realized that Mrs. 9’s car was missing from the driveway, it all clicked in his head: Mommy car choo-choo. Naturally, if Mommy’s car isn’t parked in the driveway, it must be on the train!

Also, if it’s dark outside, that is absolutely the only thing going on outside. It is not possible to be dark outside and raining outside at the same time.

On a similar note, only one person is allowed to be tired at a time. This conversation happens often.

  • 9: I’m tired.
  • 0.9: NO, I TIRED.
  • 9: I’m tired, too.
  • 0.9: NO!
  • 9: Both of us can be tired at the same time.
  • 0.9: NO! I TIRED!

Finally, illustrating my need to purchase this book, crackers, Goldfish crackers, cookies and cereal bars are perfectly acceptable for dinner, whereas fare such as chicken, macaroni and cheese and pizza does not please the fickle palate of 0.9

I’m sure there will be a post titled 0.9 Logic II soon.

Farewell, AllFacebook

AllFacebookLogoThere were some big changes in the work situation of your hero, 9, this week, and I hope they were changes for the better.

The blog I have been editing and writing as a full-time job since September 2011, AllFacebook, is now a part of SocialTimes, which is now part of the Adweek Blog Network. Get all that? If you really want the boring details, here’s the press release.

So, I now work for Adweek, albeit sort of indirectly. This is cool. I’m hoping that the Adweek name opens some doors that were previously tough to crack. I loved my experience with AllFacebook, but one of my biggest frustrations was the fact that we always seemed to be in the “second group” of media outlets when it came to receiving important news about Facebook. Having to write a story from scratch when a fully detailed version, complete with interviews, was already posted elsewhere was a part of my job that was tough to swallow.

This is only the second day since the transition, so it’s tough to reach any conclusions, but so far, things are promising. We shall see.

SocialTimesLogo

The cats’ litter box contains more useful nuggets than my work email lately

AxComputer

I have been tempted …

I don’t dislike public-relations people. PR on the whole isn’t that different from journalism and blogging, and I understand that trying to get the word out about companies, products and services is their job. For those who don’t know, I work on a blog about Facebook. The percentage of emails I receive that have nothing whatsoever to do with Facebook has been on a steady upswing, despite my efforts to alert senders that they’re barking up the wrong tree, unsubscribe (when applicable) and pound away at the spam button in Gmail.

No matter how much I try to clean up my email box, I can’t even begin to tell you how much of my time this process wastes on a daily basis.

First off, as I have said in the past, 99.99% of emails with “STORY IDEA” in the subject line are completely mistargeted and useless.

Second, when your email begins with a greeting to my former boss (who has not been a part of my blog since April 2012), the blog’s founder (whose byline last appeared that same month, after very limited involvement over the year prior to that), or a person I’ve never heard of (common mistake when sending mass emails, but still a mistake), you are already starting off down one strike. One strike becomes two strikes when you claim to be a regular reader of the blog, yet you address your email to someone who has not been a part of it for almost three years.

Third and most important, if you are emailing the editor of a blog that writes about Facebook, how about, oh, I don’t know, actually pitching a story that is related to Facebook? When I skim through an entire pitch or press release and don’t see the word “Facebook” once, smoke comes out of my ears.

Finally, in the cases when I take the time to reply to flaks and remind them that I am interested in Facebook and only Facebook, writing back to try to push a completely unrelated story is beyond foolhardy. I actually had one person who pitched a story with no Facebook angle whatsoever write back to try to sell me on the story with this gem: “Well, the company does have a Facebook page.” Really? So does my softball league. You don’t see me writing about that, do you?

Oh, yes, and one more pet peeve of mine is the misuse and abuse of the word “expert.” I have been writing about Facebook since 2011, yet I don’t consider myself an expert. Working for a company that runs Facebook ad campaigns or helps businesses create pages on Facebook doesn’t really make you an expert, either. So the fact that you are available for comment tells me you are just trying to get your name out there, which is fine, but I’m not biting.

If I want to waste time during the work day (and who doesn’t?), I will waste time pondering fantasy sports moves, playing Words with Friends or checking Facebook, like just about everyone else does. I should not be wasting so much time on emails that are as useful as tits on a bull.

Absolutely brutal Facebook Lottery spam email

If you fell for this, YES, I AM TALKING TO YOU!

Wow, I mean, are spammers even trying anymore? I don’t expect spam emails to follow the Chicago Manual of Style to the letter, but how about at least trying to at least slightly resemble English? This gem below, clearly unedited, was of the “Facebook Lottery” variety (for the love of God, people, there is NO SUCH THING as a Facebook Lottery):

From: info@aim.com
Reply-to: facebookwoldwide.lnc@gmail.com
Sent: 3/30/2014 4:15:55 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time
Subj: FACEBOOK ONLINE LOTTERY PROGRAMME 2014, CONTACT E-mail: (facebooklottoworldwide.lnc@gmail.com)

FACEBOOK ONLINE LOTTERY PROGRAMME 2014

FROM: THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT.

INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD.

BATCH NUMBER: 2551236002/244

SERIAL NUMBER. 55643451907

TICKET NUMBER: 5647600545189

CATEGORY: 2nd

Dear Winner ,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual Final draws held on the (25th Of March 2014.) by Face book group in cash Promotion to encourage the usage of Face book world state dollars) each on the Face book group promotion Award Attached to ticket number (5647600545189) and Ref No (2551256002/244) Serial Number (55643451907).

The online draws was Conducted by a random selection of email you where picked by an Advanced automated random computer search from the Face book in other To claim your $600,000.00USD the lottery program which is a new innovation by Face book, is aimed at saying A BIG THANK YOU to all our users for making Face book their number one means to connect, communicate,relate and hook up with their families and friends over the years.

This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants and Scam artists All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies’ and 30,000,000 individuals’ email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every three years.You have to be Rest assured that this is Real and Legal..and there are Some Scam artists around…Thanks to the FBI…216 of them have been arrested… The software corporation to encourage some few individuals with web site and email addresses promoted this lottery.

Your name was selected in a raffle that was made on the 28th Of March 2014. so we need your fast response so that we can proceed with the delivery of your fund .You are required to contact our payment dept via e-mail:

E-mail: facebooklottoworldwide.lnc@gmail.com

Phone: +1 (301) 678-9083

With information below in order for us to complete your winning certificate and for further information regarding the disbursement of your lottery win.

FULL NAME:

FULL CONTACT ADDRESS:

MOBILE PHONE NUMBER:

OCCUPATION:

MARITAL STATUS AND AGE :

NATIONALITY / COUNTRY:

TICKET NUMBER:

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS:

REF NUMBER:

SERIAL NUMBER:

you can also contact the FBI Agent in person for more information and advise and give him your number so he can call or text you.

Email: investigation.onlineoffice@gmail.com

Remember all winnings must be claimed not later than 20 of April 2014. After this date, all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. To avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your

reference and batch numbers in all correspondences. Furthermore, if there is any change in email address please contact us on time To enable him issue you certificate of winning Accept my hearty congratulations once again.

CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN FROM FACE BOOK!!!!

APPROVED AND SIGNED

I mean, where do I start with the mistakes, obvious red flags, and blatant stupidity in this one?

  • The reply to email is facebookwoldwide.lnc@gmail.com. What does “woldwide” mean?
  • From the desk of the president? Facebook doesn’t HAVE a president. The two top executives in the company are Mark Zuckerberg (CEO) and Sheryl Sandberg (COO).
  • It’s Facebook, not Face book.
  • “You have to be Rest assured that this is Real and Legal..and there are Some Scam artists around…Thanks to the FBI…216 of them have been arrested…” I hope this asshole is No. 217. Is that sentence even English?
  • Why are you asking for an email address? You obviously HAVE the fucking email address. I got an email, didn’t I?
  • “you can also contact the FBI Agent in person for more information and advise and give him your number so he can call or text you.” Even if a Facebook Lottery DID exist, what role, exactly, would the FBI play in it?

If anyone fell for this, they should never be allowed to use a computer, cell phone, tablet, or oxygen again.

Nine in the suburbs: How to drive in Basking Ridge

OldWomanDriving

Average Basking Ridge driver, give or take a denture

We moved from Hoboken, N.J., to Basking Ridge, N.J., at the end of August 2012, and the adjustments have been plentiful, particularly for yours truly, a lifelong city dweller experiencing the suburbs for the first time.

One of the biggest differences between the New York metropolitan area (obviously including Hoboken, but I grew up in Manhattan) and Basking Ridge is the way people drive. To put it simply, people in the immediate area around the city drive like assholes, while people out here drive like pussies.

After one year and a few months out here, I have put together a set of rules for how to drive if you want to fit in with the norm here in Basking Ridge:

  • The speed limit is merely a suggestion for the pace you should maintain in the case of unusual events, such as having to take an enormous shit, or transporting a woman in labor. In normal circumstances, it is perfectly acceptable to drive 15 miles per hour under the speed limit, or maybe 10 MPH, if you’re feeling exceptionally spry, but don’t get carried away. Remember, if the sign says “Speed Limit: 40,” 25 MPH will suffice.
  • The newer your car is, and the larger the price tag is, the slower you should drive. Despite the fact that safety is built into the exorbitant costs of your vehicle, you can’t be too careful. I recommend a top speed of 25 MPH, and whatever you do, don’t let that high rate of horsepower tempt you. Horsepower is the bait used by Satan.
  • When making a turn, it is best to come to a complete stop, and not simply glide into the turn. You wouldn’t want your $75,000 Audi to end up on its side like a rickshaw, would you? The people behind you will understand.
  • When stopped at a stop sign, the safest policy is to remain there until no car is visible in either direction, no matter how long that takes. The mail truck may be a half-mile down the road, but as long as you can see it, it represents a clear and present danger, and it must be avoided at all costs.
  • By no means should you ever flick your brights off, no matter how many cars are oncoming or directly in front of you. Being able to see is half the battle! Take solace in the fact that if a blinded driver smashes into you head-on, the insurance company will probably declare that driver at fault, and not you.

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” — George Carlin, R.I.P.

Apple announces new iPhone models; I get Apple-related spam

One of the many clever, resourceful spammers out there decided to take advantage of Apple’s announcement of its new iPhone 5S and iPhone 5C by sending the awful attempt at an Apple email forgery below.

But it must be official, since the sending of this email applies when the expiration date of your account happens to term.

What in the fuck?

But it’s from “The Apple Customer Assistance,” so it’s clearly legit.

I hate people.

AppleSpam