Ordering me to do something via email? Nice try, dick!

I received an incredibly irritating email on my work account this afternoon, and, unlike most of the bonehead ones I’ve written about, this one was actually written in perfect English.

CC your boss on this, jackass!

Let’s start with the subject line, as I was already pissed off before I even opened the email:

Review & edit the content attribution:

Excuse me, but the last time I checked, you are not my fucking boss, since I have never heard of you. My boss is allowed to issue orders in email subject lines, since she has control over my paycheck. You, on the other hand, can go fuck yourself.

My name is __________ and I’m emailing you on behalf of __________. Please do an editorial review of your link(s) to us that accompany any of our infographics you’ve posted and change (or remove) the anchor text pointing back to our home page.

The names of both the person and company were redacted to protect the stupid. Do an editorial review? Sure! I’ve got nothing better to do. Perhaps I can come over and wash your car, too? Maybe help you move some furniture? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

For the updating the anchor text, please consider:

  1. Updating the link to our home page to have the anchor text reflect our secondary brand names.
  2. Linking only to the internal page on which the infographic resides.
  3. Or removing the link entirely.

Since you are apparently new to the Internet, shithead, let me enlighten you to the fact that traffic to your homepage is a GOOD thing, and many companies expend all kinds of resources, human and financial, to INCREASE traffic to their homepages. Stupid much?

Please confirm when you’ve completed your review.

Again, tool, you are NOT my boss. The only thing I will confirm is that you are an absolutely bozo who is probably following the orders of an even bigger bozo.

By the way, I clicked on the link this moron included, and the story was from January 2011. Anyone who knows the Internet (which obviously does not count this asshole) knows that a year-and-a-half on the Internet is like a century-and-a-half in the real world. No one gives a rat’s ass about this post.

I love when someone I don’t know, with no authority over me whatsoever, and no clue, tries to assign busywork to me. If this prick emails me again, I swear I will change the link to the most disgusting porn site I can find.

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One comment on “Ordering me to do something via email? Nice try, dick!

  1. mel says:

    If you do that change, make sure you update the article so that people actually hit it!! 🙂

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