The arrival of 0.9 is alarmingly close. When people told me the last few weeks would fly by, they were not joking.
My state of mind is pretty good right now. I’m a little anxious, and at this point, I would like to fast-forward to the point when 0.9 is out of the womb, crying for the first time, and (hopefully) healthy. But I’m not panicked, or on edge. I think I’m pretty ready for this, which is a good thing, because it’s not like I have a choice at this point.
My only personal worry is my complete lack of experience with babies. I am certainly not the only first-time father in history, but I have spent next to zero time around babies. My family isn’t very tight, and while I have friends who have become parents recently, I’ve never dealt with things like diapers, car seats, strollers, dressing and undressing, or anything of that sort. If they could assign a percentile ranking to parents-to-be, I’d be in the bottom 5 percent.
I have had many conversations along these lines over the past few months.
9’s Wife: See, honey, these are the swaddle blankets I want?
9: What the hell is a swaddle blanket?
Recent father: Hey, can you pass the Boppy?
9: What in God’s name is a Boppy?
Hell, when I first heard the term, “Pack ‘n Play,” I thought it referred to filling up a cooler with beer for a tailgate.
I am truthfully amazed by the sheer amount of crap that people purchase for babies. I will not poke any fun at spending money on a good car seat and a good stroller, for obvious safety reasons. But I am positive that when I was a kid, I didn’t have four different contraptions to sleep in, one-dozen different types of blankets, and all of the other various items we registered for. I mean, seriously: swaddle blankets, receiving blankets, nursing blankets? I need a security blanket!
The baby industry is a worse racket than the wedding industry. I swear, there are people sitting around a conference room right now, inventing more unnecessary crap for parents to spend money on.
Everyone says it will all be worth it in the end. I believe they are right. I am ready for go time.