OK, I know this post is going to lead to a tsunami of fat jokes, so go ahead and get them out of your system. I’ll wait. Are you done? Good. And fuck you.
I took advantage of my day off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day to go shopping for jeans for the first time in years. I have always been a Levi’s loyalist. I’ve just found that they fit better, feel more comfortable, and last longer. Plus, the idea of spending hundreds of dollars on “designer” jeans is ludicrous to me. They’re freaking pants. How much design goes into them? Give me a break.
My old source for jeans is long gone. I used to go to the Levi’s outlet store in Secaucus, but it closed a few years ago. So I looked up store locations on the Levi’s website and found a very PATH-friendly one about a half-block from the 14th Street stop.
What a complete and utter waste of time. The largest waist size they carried in the store was six inches lower than the size I need (you already had your joke time earlier, so stick it), and about three-quarters of the jeans in the store were skinny jeans. And for the record, while I frankly could stand to lose around 40 pounds, there are a lot of people waddling around this country who make me look like a stick.
Skinny jeans? Really? Apologies to the handful of my friends who are vigilant about diet and exercise, but how does a company as associated with America as Levi’s not realize that most Americans are fat fucks? How many people, male or female, can really pull off skinny jeans? And if you’re male, why in God’s name would you want to? I’m not saying Levi’s shouldn’t make or carry skinny jeans, but devoting most of their stores’ stock to them strikes me as foolish.
Luckily, an army-navy store a few blocks up Sixth Avenue had a far better selection of Levi’s than Levi’s own store. Bless you, Dave’s New York, for stocking normal jeans that fit normal people, and for ensuring that my trip underneath the Hudson River wasn’t for naught.
Skinny jeans? Meh.