Unemployment Nine: I know you’re trying to be helpful, but …

When you’re going through something like being unemployed, friends and family often want to help out. But sometimes, their suggestions and ideas make me want to attack the liquor cabinet with a vengeance.

WTF?

WTF?

I understand people mean well, and if anyone who happens to have offered one of these suggestions happens to read this entry, it’s written with humor, and not malice.

But here are some of the award-winning ideas I’ve had to listen to lately.

• Have you tried Monster.com and/or craigslist? Are you serious? No, I didn’t bother to look at the most well-known job site out there. I thought Monster.com was a horror-movie database. And I decided to completely overlook the fact that job listings have been skyrocketing on craigslist. Come on, people: Why not ask if I remembered to breathe so I can stay alive?

• Why don’t you get a job with the Yankees? Great idea, because naturally, the planet’s most famous sports franchise is just welcoming throngs of applicants in through a revolving door. Maybe they’ll even let me coach first base! Even better, no one has ever thought of this one before. What an original idea.

• Have you ever thought about teaching? OK, let’s see: I have an intense fear of speaking in public, I can’t remember people’s names to save my life, and teachers are grossly underpaid even more so than journalists. What a perfect fit! I have nothing but hearty respect for teachers, so if anything I wrote sounds anti-teacher, it’s not meant that way. I could never teach, and I salute those who do it. But the only career path that would be worse for me would be sales. I am SO not a people person, so I could never take that route, either.

I’m sure there will be a sequel to this entry if I don’t get a damn job soon.

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3 comments on “Unemployment Nine: I know you’re trying to be helpful, but …

  1. matrixmom says:

    Well now teaching is not such a bad idea. Especially teaching ESL in a forgiegn country that pays all your expenses. We left the States 7 years ago (read about MatrixMom on my page) anticipating this economic crisis. It’s a living wage but even we’re we live the cost of living has gone up 50% since we came.

    I hate sales too but I have found some very lucrative affiliate marketing. I don’t understand why more people aren’t taking advantage of this.

  2. 9nine9 says:

    Teaching is a fantastic idea, except that I’m about as ill-suited for it as they come.

  3. Liz says:

    Whenever I’ve had problems in the job arena, my mom would not only suggest making a career change to teaching, she’d want me to think about going into nursing.

    Going either route would require to go back to school which would require money that I don’t have.

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