As if Saturday night wasn’t annoying enough for me as a Dallas Cowboys fan, a group of selfish assholes added to the misery of the evening.
The Ravens-Cowboys game was on NFL Network, which is available in approximately seven cable homes in the United States, so I had to go out to a bar to watch it. I went to one of my favorite bars and couldn’t believe the bullshit that went on.
The way the bar is laid out, there’s one small bathroom very close to the entrance to the large back room, but the main restrooms are upstairs, and the stairwell is toward the back of the back room.
A group of about 40 people had the back room reserved for a private party, and they had the gall to complain to management that people were walking through their party to use the bathroom. Well, guess what, jackasses: When people drink, they need to relieve themselves. It’s basic science.
So the bar management actually listened to their foolish complaint and made the upstairs bathrooms off-limits, meaning that the 120 or so people in the front of the bar had to use exactly ONE toilet for three hours, while these 40 assholes had access to a men’s room with four urinals and two stalls and an equally large women’s room.
Anyone who knows Hoboken can probably figure out what bar I’m talking about. I didn’t name it because it happens to be one of my favorite places in town, and I’m always treated well there. This was a poor decision, but by no means am I in “I’m never going back there again” mode.
But to the selfish assholes who complained and forced the bar management into making that poor decision, thanks for showing true holiday spirit and understanding that people need access to bathrooms. Pricks.
Never mind coal in your stockings: I hope you get Ex Lax-laced brownies in your stockings and, immediately upon eating them, rush to the bathroom to find the door padlocked.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Festivus and FUCK YOU.