The cat conspiracy: the look

There is no doubt in my mind that cats are a lot smarter than any of us in the human race give them credit for. There’s also no doubt in my mind that most of them are in on a huge conspiracy.

The conspiracy revolves around “the look.” Anyone who owns a cat knows the look. The look is a randomly timed event when your cat walks up to you, nudges you to get your attention, then gives you this look that says, “I love you and appreciate everything you do for me.” It’s very potent, and it scares me.

When I say randomly timed, I mean it. The look wouldn’t have the same impact if it happened a few minutes after feeding, for example, or right after arriving at home. That’s when affection is expected.

And if you have multiple cats in a household, I am absolutely, positively convinced that they coordinate their deployment of the look. I can almost picture them huddling together and saying, “Why don’t you handle the morning look, and I’ll get him sometime around the sixth inning of the Yankee game?”

And the cats are onto something, because the damn look works. No matter how mad I may be at my two monsters, when I get the look, I forget about things they broke and shoelaces they destroyed. I forget about having to clean up hair balls, vomit and poop from the bathtub, much less the litter box. I forget about the 4:30 a.m. “I want food and attention” wake-ups.

Cats are dangerous and not to be trusted.

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5 comments on “The cat conspiracy: the look

  1. Skittles says:

    I wuv u! Can I have some water? Oh there’s a bird…

  2. Heather says:

    You get hairballs, vomit and poop in the bathtub???? Really? I find them in the middle of the living room floor….usually when I’m barefoot and getting up for the 4:30 a.m. “I want food and attention” wake-ups.

  3. ansky says:

    Oh, gag me with a huge shovel. Please. Hairballs, vomit, and poop? That’s enough to make me stick them in the microwave. They ARE not as smart as you think they are. And that look? That’s not love and affection. That’s “when you leave, I’m gonna pee on your keyboard, you fat bastard…”

  4. […] good thing is that my biggest worry right now is integrating the three cats — two who already think they own this apartment, and one […]

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