(Originally posted on my MySpace blog Jan. 29, 2006)
Joining MySpace was, by far, the greatest decision I ever made!
I’ve had an AOL account since 1995, and I’ve been on JDate for a few years, but MySpace is truly a blessing from heaven.
Just think: This past weekend alone, three of the sexiest babes I’ve ever seen decided to e-mail ME! Yes, ME! Don’t be jealous now. Don’t hate the playa … hate the GAME, son!
I know, I know, all of you haters out there are saying it’s only spam, but that’s just jealousy. I mean, all three girls said they LOVED my profile. Don’t rain on MY parade just because no one loves YOUR profile. Some of us got it, some of us don’t.
Maybe SOMEDAY, someone will LOVE your profile, but, sorry, homey, today ain’t that day! Maybe if you stop acting like someone peed in your Corn Flakes and pay some attention to detail, you’ll be the object of affection that I’ve become.
So, you ask, why did all three of these sexy animals ask for my credit-card info? Well clearly, they recognize just what a great catch I am – after all, they LOVED my profile – so that’s just their way of making sure they don’t lose touch with me. After all, look at those sexy, pouty lips. Does that look like a dishonest face to you?
Besides, if these babes aren’t all about me, then why did they post pictures in their underwear, with their pinkies in their mouths, just for me to see? Wake up and smell the coffee!
I mean, really, what’s so unusual about all these 20-something sexpots suddenly deciding that they lust after a marginal-looking, slightly overweight 37-year-old? They’ve just come to their senses, that’s all!
Seriously, this is just beyond my wildest dreams. All of these incredibly hot 20-something-year-old women who want to talk to ME! Imagine that. MySpace … I LOVE YOU!
Anyway, I’d love to go into further detail, but this really gracious gentleman from Nigeria is offering me 10% of his fortune just for helping him establish an account here in the United States, so I’m off to forward him all of my banking information.