Unemployment Nine: A different take on ‘What if … ?’

Since the two-year anniversary of my layoff passed, I haven’t posted much. I still love writing and still find this blog to be incredibly therapeutic. There just isn’t a hell of a lot going on.

The number of job listings has started to dwindle again. I keep reading about how the unemployment rate is going down, and I wonder if that’s because everyone else got hired but me.

Even the freaking Stormtroopers are getting laid off!

And something I’ve complained about in the past is only getting worse and worse. The requirements that accompany job listings have become insane. Job listings that used to have four or five requirements now have 15 or 20. People in charge of hiring are looking for the absolute perfect candidate, and they’re absolutely entitled to so do, but by doing so, they’re eliminating an awful lot of candidates who could easily learn the one or two missing requirements and do a fantastic job, like, yours truly. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sending out fewer résumés because if a job listing says, “must have experience covering bond markets,” and I have exactly zero minutes of experience in that field, they’re not going to call me in for an interview. I’m not being cynical — I’m being realistic. If they make it a point to list something in their requirements, it’s obviously important to them, and if I don’t have it, I’m not going to waste my time or theirs.

Another gripe of mine is also getting worse by the week: The long online application processes used by many companies are only getting longer, and dumber. Until I know that you’re going to call me in for an interview, I am NOT spending a half-hour (no exaggeration, and one was actually closer to 45 minutes) duplicating every piece of information on my résumé and trying to find addresses and contact information for jobs from the 1990s, when the companies have moved and the people I worked with have moved on. If a company isn’t interested in me, that information is useless to them. And while I may be unemployed, it doesn’t mean I’m not working, and it doesn’t mean that my time has so little value that it’s worth it for me to waste on these online applications. There’s a document called a résumé. It’s attached. Fucking read it. If there’s enough interest to have me in for an interview, I will fill out all the forms you want.

If you want proof that I will step up if there’s interest, I went on an interview this past Tuesday. It was only my second interview since returning from my honeymoon in mid-May. I thought it went very well, but two-plus years have taught me not to get too excited about anything, because I’ve had the same feelings about other interviews, and the results (or lack thereof) are obvious. Anyway, I was asked to take a writing test at home, and I worked very, very hard on it. The assignment was to re-create the publication’s home page, and it involved selecting articles, rewriting headlines, finding art, and a few other elements. I spent a good, solid four hours on it and, whether I get the job or not, I know I gave it my all, although I may weep if I don’t get at least a second interview out of this. My point: I had no problem whatsoever with investing four hours in this project, with no guarantees, because interest was already expressed. But I do have major issues spending a half-hour or 45 minutes on the online job-application system from hell while knowing there’s probably about a 1% chance that anything comes out of it.

OK, I’m done ranting, but there’s one thing that scares me the most. It took me exactly two years, one month, and 10 days to get to this point, but today is the first time I’ve ever actually wondered: What if I never get a full-time job again?

When I first got laid off, I was probably a little cockier than I should have been. I’m very confident in my experience and my abilities, and even though I knew the economy was heading into a downturn, I thought I’d find something within weeks and enjoy the bonus of earning a salary and severance pay at the same time. Needless to say, that didn’t happen. But even when the picture became more and more bleak, I’ve always felt that something will come up at some point. Now I’m not sure I can say that with any conviction and, frankly, that’s frightening.

One problem I’ve also brought up before in this blog — hey, in two years-plus of blog posts, you tend to cover a lot of topics — is that while I’m not stubbornly opposed to changing careers, I have no concept, clue or theory what other field I’d go into.

I am not the least bit handy, so any kind of mechanical job is out. I’m nowhere near in the kind of shape I’d have to be in to do anything construction-related, and using tools is nearly foreign to me. I’m not good at dealing with strangers, and I have zero skills at negotiation, so any kind of retail or sales job is out. I am horrible at public speaking and remembering people’s names, and I suck at explaining how to do things, so teaching is out. I have no kitchen skills, and I doubt I could even bartend, because I am awful at mixing ingredients. I’d coach the Cowboys, but Jerry Jones must have missed my e-mail.

So, what’s next? Just keep sitting, waiting, and hoping? Until my layoff, I had been fortunate enough to never be unemployed before. I was actually laid off from my very first job, but they kept me on as a freelancer until I found another job, so I never experienced that hopeless, out-of-work feeling. In my worst nightmare scenario, I never expected this to drag on for two years and counting. And unless I strike gold with the interview I mentioned earlier, it will probably drag on another few months, because no one adds head count at the end of the year, and no one posts jobs or holds interviews during the holiday season (bah, humbug).

I’m not ready to throw myself out of a Wall Street skyscraper window, 1929-style, but at this point, I have no answers whatsoever.

Unemployment Nine: And then there was one, but I’m not sure how I feel about it

It seems only fitting that just a couple of days after the two-year anniversary of my layoff, I lost one of my freelance jobs. And while I will miss the paycheck, I really won’t miss the job.

I was actually impressed by the loyalty they showed, although it cost me my position. The person who had the freelance gig before me had left a few months ago for a full-time job, and, unfortunately for her, found out she was being laid off, so they welcomed her back at my expense. Maybe I should be a little miffed, but I really wasn’t happy there at all, and it almost seems like a weight lifted off my shoulders, even though, as I said earlier, I will miss the money.

I just don’t have patience for the pace of print publications, or the lack thereof. There were too many people looking at every single sentence too many times, which led to a lot of sitting around, waiting, waiting, doing nothing, and more waiting. While some people might consider it a bonus to be paid for nine hours while only actually working for five or six of them, I’d rather work six hours straight, get paid for six hours, and use the other three hours to do something else, whether it’s another job or fun. Sitting around and having no control over the copy flow drove me insane.

Don’t get me wrong: It’s a great publication, with a superb staff, and working there, while I may not have loved it, was a good experience for a number of reasons. But although I was there almost five months, I didn’t have the slightest bit of sadness, or really any emotion, when I left for the last time. I will miss working with my old boss from many, many years ago, who is the reason I got the job in the first place, but I really won’t miss seeing my Thursday nights and Friday nights drip to a slow close while listening to people argue about a phrase that has already been read several different times by several different people. My roots are in print, but it’s just not for me anymore.

Of course, my goal remains unchanged: I want a full-time job. While there are definitely some great things about freelancing, mainly the flexibility, the unpredictability of it is still rattling, even after two years. My efforts haven’t slowed, but, as I said in my last post, the market still sucks: I’m down to sending only 3-5 résumés out per week, and my last interview was in mid-May.

I still have my freelance blogging job, and starting Monday, I’m taking on a new task for them that involves copyediting the daily e-mail newsletter. The money from doing that certainly won’t replace the money from the freelance copyediting job I just lost, but it will help, and I’m hoping that the more involved I stay with this company, the better my chances at landing something full-time there. I truly enjoy this job, and I’m not saying my compensation isn’t fair, but it’s not enough to live off. And, as I have already found out twice, the plug can very easily be pulled on freelance gigs, with little or no notice.

Yeah, so, two years, eight days, and counting …

Unemployment Nine: Two years, few cheers, some tears, and quite a few beers

Once I recovered from the shock of being laid off from my job of 13 ½ years on Oct. 2, 2008, if anyone had come up to me and said, “It will take you more than two years to find a job,” I likely would have responded with double middle fingers, a crotch grab, or whatever alternate vulgar gesture came to mind. I would have never said they were right. Go and figure.

On the bright side, I haven’t relied on unemployment and food stamps (although I did collect the former for as long as I was eligible), I’m not living in a cardboard box in a subway station, and I’m not selling apples near Wall Street. I started part-time jobs in April 2009 (this one ended in November), June 2009 (still going strong) and May 2010 (don’t get me started). But my goal is still to find a full-time position, as it was when I walked out of my old office two years ago. I still can’t adjust to the unpredictability and volatility of freelancing.

One of the few things keeping me sane is my marriage (I’m actually not being sarcastic with that statement). My wife is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and she knows my efforts are sincere both in terms of trying to find full-time work and working as hard as I can at my part-time jobs. And her family has been welcoming and outstanding from day one (no, I’m not just saying that because several of them read this blog), despite our differences in football allegiances (Cowboys fans and Eagles fans generally don’t coexist very well). And also on the subject of family, my Aunt Rose has been doing very, very well since a scare last October. I guess if I had to pick one area of life to be happy with, I’d pick family, so that’s a big help.

However, it bothers me that I’m not contributing as much to the household budget as I’d like to. I’m not one of those old-fashioned guys who believes men should be the bread-winners, and I have no issues whatsoever with my wife making more than I do, but, while I never expect our contributions to be 50-50, I’d like to at least get in the neighborhood of that range. Right now, I’m miles away.

And the lack of progress is really discouraging and worrisome. Since returning from our honeymoon in mid-May, I have gone on exactly one job interview, which took place two days after our return, and which was for a position that was nothing like what was detailed in the ad. And I haven’t even been averaging one résumé per business day, probably topping out at three or four per week. All the pundits are chirping about a recovery, but I certainly haven’t seen it.

As I said, I know life could be a lot worse, but I sincerely hope and pray that I’m not echoing this blog post in October 2011. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.

Unemployment Nine: This hat trick put me in the penalty box

I scored a hat trick on my commute to my freelance job this morning. Had I been playing hockey, I’d be elated, as it would mean that I had scored three goals. However, when it comes to my commute, it means that I just missed the PATH train, just missed the D/B/F/M/whatever the hell else the MTA decides to run down the Sixth Avenue line, and just missed the 7 train.

Three times in one morning ... FML

This wonderous display of piss-poor timing stretched a commute that usually takes me about 50 minutes (and probably would be 45 minutes if not for the fucking tourists in and around Grand Central Terminal) to one hour and 15 minutes.

Aside from the annoyance of just missing trains three times in a row, that one hour and 15 minutes is completely unproductive time, which is not a good thing while trying to juggle two freelance jobs. I’m underground the entire time, meaning that I can’t even check e-mail. Even if I could, as much as I love my Droid, I’m not about to try to do work on it. As it is, half of the texts I send out get cut off in the middle because my sausage fingers keep hitting the return button. I wouldn’t dream of trying to do any real work on the Droid.

I really, really wish I could work from home for both jobs, as even the normal 50-minute commute each way represents 100 completely and utterly wasted minutes. I’m not going to try to sport a halo and claim that I don’t waste some time of my own during the work day, but I’d much rather be harassing friends on Facebook and shoring up the bullpen of my fantasy-baseball team than standing on a platform scratching my ass.

Bah.

Unemployment Nine: What if?

About four years ago, I was very unhappy at my old job. I was moved against my will from a publication where I had spent my first 11-plus years at the company to another title where I just knew it wasn’t a good fit for a number of reasons, having had previous experience working with that magazine. I tried everything I could to fight it, but failed, so I began to consider options. In October 2008, the choice was made for me, as I was one of the victims of the first of what turned out to be several rounds of layoffs. But what if I had followed through with a plan I was seriously considering and left on my own?

Field of Dreams

A lot of things would have had to fall into place for me to actually go through with this plan, but this is what I was giving some very legitimate thought to doing.

As I said, I was unhappy with my job situation, and the entire process of working for a large company had made me quite jaded. I was in a situation where I was locked into a 3% raise no matter what my performance was, which gave me no incentive whatsoever to extend myself beyond my normal duties. This attitude was made worse when a co-worker who routinely showed up to the office around lunchtime (no exaggeration whatsoever) got the same raise I did, despite the fact that I ended up picking up most of the slack in his absence. So, my thinking was: If I’m going to work this hard and get so little reward, rather than working for a company where not giving a shit was mutual — I didn’t give a shit about the company, and it didn’t give a shit about me — why not do something I’m passionate about and try to find a job with a minor-league baseball team?

My plan was to enjoy one last summer on Long Beach Island, and then spend the next year making a very sincere effort to save as much money as I could, in anticipation of a lower salary. And then, when the following baseball season ended, I intended to bombard just about every minor-league and independent-league team in existence with my résumé in the hopes of landing some kind of position that involved a combination of writing, editing and Internet work.

Would I have ever gone through with it? I really don’t know, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

First off, I absolutely, positively suck at saving money. Saying you’re going to do something is different from actually doing it, and I’m not sure that I could have been that disciplined. In fact, the odds are against it.

Second, and most important: I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to pack up and leave the New York area, where most of my friends and family still live. It’s a very, very difficult decision to make. It seems like everyone has one moment during their life when they say, “Fuck this shit, I’m getting the hell out of here,” but again, there’s a big difference between threatening to leave and packing up the car.

Finally, even if I had actually gone through with my plan, would I have been happy? I’ve talked to a lot of people involved in baseball and, not surprisingly, the closer a minor-league team is to a legitimate city, the harder it is to get a job with that team. Teams like the Newark Bears and the Kane County Cougars (located pretty close to Chicago) will get significantly more résumés than, say, the Billings Mustangs or Casper Ghosts. I mean no disrespect to those cities, but they just don’t have the appeal of larger metropolitan areas. So, would I really have been happy living in Montana or Wyoming, after spending my entire life in Manhattan and Hoboken? I guess I’ll never know.

Anyway, as I said, I don’t know if I would have really gone through with this plan, but during what I envisioned as my last big-time summer on LBI, I really clicked with one of the girls in my beach house. She is now my wife. Needless to say, packing up and moving to the middle of nowhere is no longer part of the equation, especially since giving up her salary in this economy would be beyond foolhardy. And I have no regrets: Family should be more of a priority and a concern than career, and I am much, much happier being married in Hoboken than being single in Cedar Rapids.

But it doesn’t keep me from occasionally wondering what would have happened, especially with my frustration boiling over when it comes to my current unemployment situation.

Unemployment Nine: Geographically unsuitable

In my daily futile journey through the job sites, I encountered some geographical stupidity on CareerBuilder.com.

In a search for job listings containing “editor” within 50 miles of New York, listings appeared for an executive editor in Lafayette, Ind., and a digital editor in St. George, Utah. Are you shitting me?

Whether this was the fault of CareerBuilder.com or the companies that listed the jobs, or both, allow me to share a wee bit of wisdom: As bad as the job market is these days, if someone is looking for a job in New York, they are not going to consider Lafayette, Ind., or St. George, Utah.

I mean no disrespect to those two cities, but honestly, where the fuck are they? I can tell you this: They’re nowhere near New York, in terms of location, lifestyle, or salary.

Indiana? Utah? Yeah, bite me.

The bustling metropolis that is downtown St. George, Utah. Can you feel the excitement?

Unemployment Nine: Summer is my favorite time of the year but, so far, this one truly sucks

I love summer. I really do. It’s by far my favorite time of the year. But I feel like the economy, Mother Nature and some other cruel forces are conspiring to make sure this summer ranks among the worst of my life.

My mood this summer

I knew I was likely in for an emotional come-down following our wedding and honeymoon. I mean, two weeks in Hawaii represented the trip of a lifetime, so I never expected the summer to compete with that. But I also didn’t expect it to suck a big, fat one, like it has thus far.

First off, there’s the lingering unemployment situation. I’ve been on a whopping total of one interview since returning from our honeymoon in mid-May, and I’ve also had one phone interview. In both cases, I knew right away that the respective positions and I were not good fits. So it’s been months since I’ve even sniffed any hopes of a full-time job, and a very sobering anniversary is quickly approaching. Unless something drastic happens between now and Oct. 2, I will have hit the dreaded two-year mark of unemployment. In my absolute worst assessments of my situation, I’d have never predicted coming close to that milestone.

Anyone who has followed this blog knows that I’m not sitting around eating ice cream and watching soap operas. But I’m a little frustrated with both of my freelance jobs, as well.

The one I began recently basically destroys my Thursday and Friday nights, and I hate the fact that the pace is glacial, and I have no control whatsoever over it. There’s absolutely nothing I can do but sit and wait, and wait, and wait. It’s good in one way, because I get paid by the hour, so obviously, the longer I’m there, the more I make. But there are times when the hourly rate isn’t even remotely fair compensation for the activities I’m giving up, just to sit there and listen to people debate over every last clause that will appear in a medium that I am completely over: print. I don’t believe in what I’m doing, which makes it very difficult for me.

And when it comes to the one I’ve had for a little more than one year, I’m frustrated because I don’t get the sense that any improvement in my situation is imminent, whether it’s an increase in the amount of money I get paid per post, or an offer to come on board full-time, although those were mentioned as possibilities when I started. I feel like I’ve been bypassed by other people, albeit many of them worthy and deserving, and it seems like I’m speeding down a dead-end street. And the vibe in general has been far more negative than positive. I’m not a dog, and I don’t need someone to pat me on the head and say, “Good boy,” after every story I post, but receiving e-mail after e-mail of negative feedback without one positive note is not doing wonders for my attitude or my outlook.

The problem is, with my current financial state, I can’t even remotely afford to give up either job, so I have no choice but to solider on, regardless of how unhappy I am and how unrewarded I feel, whether monetarily or just in terms of fulfillment and getting some enjoyment out of my work.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m very happy to have both opportunities. Having something to focus on and being able to contribute at least some money into the household are both valuable commodities. But I’m just not happy doing what I’m doing right now and, as I said, I’m doing what I can to keep both jobs out of necessity, not out of pride in my work, or enjoying what I’m doing.

Summer, however, usually provides the cure-all, as I usually spend it doing some of my favorite things: going to baseball games, playing softball and going to the beach. This summer, however, has not been very good for any of those activities.

My wife and I are finally going down to Long Beach Island for a long weekend in a few days. As much as I’m looking forward to it, I fear that it will only whet my appetite for what I’ve been missing all summer.

And this obviously affects everyone, not just myself, but the weather this summer has been about as miserable as any summer I can remember in my 42 years of existence. It seems like the two weather conditions are high 90s-low 100s with suffocating humidity, or raining, and the latter usually comes up if I have Yankees tickets or a softball game. This weather just makes it nearly impossible to enjoy anything.

Softball is usually one of my best escapes from drudgery, but I just can’t get on track this season. Between having to miss games due to the newer freelance job, or games getting rained out, it seems like every time I start to feel comfortable at the plate, I end up not playing for two weeks, which sends me right back to square one. I’ve been trying to hit the batting cage regularly, but even in slow-pitch softball, there’s a big difference between getting it done in the batting cage and getting it done on the field. And I take it very personally when I don’t play well, often because my game that week was the one activity I’d been looking forward to for days. And naturally, when I don’t play well and my team loses, I feel like I’ve let my teammates down.

The weather has taken its toll on my Yankees experience this season, as well. It’s just that much harder to enjoy a ballgame when you’re coated in sweat and you feel like the sky is pressing down on you. Plus, I’ve had to sell my tickets for a few games I really wanted to attend, thanks to, you guessed it, the newer freelance job. I love Thursday-afternoon ball games, but I can’t afford to give up a day’s pay to go to them.

Look, I know things could be a lot worse. I could still be single. I could have no money coming in at all. I could have jobs that are a lot worse and that don’t even resemble what I’m trying to do. But sometimes it’s difficult to rationalize the fact that just because things could be worse, it doesn’t mean they don’t pretty much suck right now.

I really hope things turn around and I get to at least enjoy the second half of this summer, because Oct. 2 is looming and getting closer and closer, which will not do wonders for my mood or state of mind.

Unemployment Nine: The short-term trend

I’ve noticed a recent trend in job listings for the media industry, which is the only industry I pay attention to, because that’s what I do. Scanning the biochemistry classifieds wouldn’t do me much good.

CONFUSED

Anyway, back to the trend: I am seeing more and more listings for positions that are full-time, but only for a set term — three months, six months. Some dangle the carrot of a potential full-time offer when the time period ends, and some don’t.

I have always been reluctant to pursue any of these types of jobs. The way I look at it, I am not happy at all with where I am now, so why would I want to virtually guarantee that I’ll be in the same situation in three months, six months, or whatever?

My goal, as it has been since the day I walked out of my former place of employment in October 2008, is to secure a full-time job. I feel like committing to full-time work for a short period of time will take away the flexibility of being able to go on interviews, which, in all fairness, wouldn’t be right for me to do, anyway, after making a three-month or six-month commitment. I don’t want to deny myself the opportunity of finding a full-time job, only to find myself back on the unemployment line weeks later.

However, that being said, I may be forced to reconsider my position. Interviews have been few and far between recently. In fact, since returning from my honeymoon in mid-May, I have gone on a whopping total of one interview.

But I still can’t get past the concept of leaving myself in a situation where I’ll have absolutely nothing when the assignment ends. Is it worth making more money for the duration of the job, only to have nothing coming in afterward, or does it make more sense to stick with the two freelance jobs I have now 
and retain my flexibility and my availability to snap up the full-time job that has been so evasive for the past 21-plus months?

Being unemployed is a series of ups and downs, and I’m heading downhill quickly right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this confused.

Unemployment Nine: Feeling left out of the party

One of the things that really sucks about working on a freelance basis with an entire staff of full-time employees is not being able to share in their good fortune. Through no fault of the people I’ve been working with — just the nature of the beast — there are times when I’ve really felt like an outsider looking in.

On the outside looking in

At the particular publication I’ve been working for, the parent company decided to do something incredibly nice for the employees, which I would love to see other companies duplicate, but somehow, I doubt it. I guess there had been a 10% wage slash during the previous year, thanks to the oh-so-wonderful economy, which, as much as it sucks, is a hell of a lot better than layoffs (TRUST ME on this one!). Things are apparently on the upswing, as the company e-mailed an announcement that the wage cuts were being overturned, returning people to their previous salaries. While I was very happy for my temporary co-workers, as it is definitely a hard-working and deserving group of folks, it still felt weird being the only person in the office who didn’t give a shit and wasn’t celebrating, because it didn’t affect me in the least.

Another example: The magazine had just wrapped up an incredible 25th-anniversary issue (and I’m not just saying that because of my minimal contributions to it — it really was a fantastic issue). The following week, an e-mail went around giving staffers one extra Monday off during the summer as a reward. Again, good for them, but it didn’t do a damn thing for me. I don’t work on Mondays anyway and, even if I did, taking a day off means forfeiting money.

One last example: The night the 25th-anniversary issue I mentioned above was put to bed, someone bought a few six-packs of good beer for the staff. I was craving beer worse than oxygen at that point, but I never went over and took one because no one formally invited me to. I was probably being overcautious, as the people I’ve been working with have always made me feel welcome, and I’m sure they wouldn’t have minded sharing a beer with me, but I felt weird about grabbing one without being asked.

I will say this, though: I have found one very good aspect of being a freelancer. When I’ve been on the receiving end of annoying phone calls, which has happened a few times, I love being able to play this card: “I really don’t know what I can do about that. I’m just a freelancer here.” Full-time employees can’t get away with that, but I can!

Unemployment Nine: Huh?????????

WTF???

I have vented many times in this space previously about how, with this horrific job market tilted completely toward those looking to hire and away from those looking to be hired, requirements in job listings are getting more and more ridiculous. And I found a great example of this today.

The following was listed among the requirements for a job that involved editing content for the Internet: “Applicant should be competent in operating a manual transmission automobile.”

Can someone please tell me what the fuck knowing how to drive a stick shift has to do with working on the Internet?

Wow, I seriously hate this job market more and more every day. Just when I think I’ve seen it all after nearly 21 months …