Email stupidity continues to run rampant

The blog I write for is fortunate enough to count among its readership some very intelligent, sharp, bright people, who add to our posts about Facebook with relevant questions and comments that keep the discussion moving. For that, I am incredibly grateful.

Dumb asses ...

However, as grateful as I am for the smart portion of our readership, the not-so-smart portion of our readership makes me wonder why some people were ever allowed to reproduce.

One of the most popular annoying types of emails we receive through our tips or contact us email addresses are from people who simply cannot grasp the concept that we are NOT Facebook: We are a BLOG that covers Facebook.

Maybe it’s me, but no matter what language barriers may exist (and most of these people supposedly speak English, which makes this even scarier), I do not see any possible way that “Send us a tip” can be translated into “Ask us for Facebook technical support.”

Yet we continue to get gems like this one from this past weekend:

I just want to be completely removed from Facebook. Thank you.

I thought I went through the steps but I guess not. Please let me know if what I did, did do that. Thank you.

Well, genius, apparently one of “the steps” didn’t involve, oh, I don’t know, CONTACTING FACEBOOK AND NOT US? It’s a wonder that this person actually managed to sign up for Facebook in the first place. Emails like this make my brain hurt.

A few weeks ago, we got another series of emails from a lovesick fellow from India, who was apparently blocked by the woman he was stalking. His emails ranged from desperation to demanding that we tell him right away who blocked him on Facebook. Um, yeah, we’ll get right on that.

Another favorite type of email from the dopes who think they’re writing to Facebook is people demanding things. “I do not like timeline. Put the old version back right now. Or else.”

Or else WHAT, idiot? If I actually did work for Facebook, I would email this guy anonymously and say: “Listen, moron. You don’t pay one cent for Facebook. You do not have a constitutional or God-given right to be on Facebook. We’ll change whatever we feel like changing, and if you don’t like it, feel free to leave. You won’t be missed, considering the fact that we’re approaching 1 billion users, most of whom are apparently smarter than you are. Have a nice life.”

Our blog does not even remotely look like Facebook, save for using the same blue color. Apparently, the same people who don’t understand the phrase, “Send us a tip,” also have difficulty comprehending, “The unofficial Facebook resource.”

Wow, are some people stupid.

What freaking language is this?

One of the common misconceptions I encounter via my work email address is that people confuse writing for a blog that covers Facebook with providing Facebook technical support. I get all kinds of emails asking how to do certain things on Facebook.

What Samuel L. Jackson said!

I’m not a total hard-ass about it. If the question involves a topic we’ve written about, I will forward the URL of the post. And if I know the answer off the top of my head, and it’s not complicated, I’ll try to respond.

However, if it involves any research on my part, you are shit out of luck. You might have heard of this newfangled doohickey called Google? Yes, believe it or not, they have the Internet on computers now!

But for the love of God, if you have any expectations of help, could you try to write your email in something that remotely resembles English? Look at this crap (obviously unedited):

Hey hw u doin ,

iv jus got a few quiries regardin facebook an thought u may hlp m out ,

but before that i knw u may not b è corect ppl 2 ask bt nevr the les u may knw , how can i extend my wifi siginal over a longer distence (not very long ) without any headaches coud ther b an app or somthin i use iphone & ipod touch .

Oky getn to my quiries bwt fbk scince u are all fbk

hw do i inbox a pic 4rm my in to som ones inbox in fbk , or from my email or photos to an inbox of a fbk acount (i normaly use fbk for iphone

Y is it that fbk kip on askin m to put my location on nomater how many tymz i say cancel evry 20 secondz that screen jus shows up , its so irritating this hapns wen im usin iphone app

Y is it i can no longer c my msgz wen im ofline the way i used to c them befor on my iphone app

Y is it that somtymz no matr hw many tymz i try yo update my status it jus kips sayin cant update , normaly it hapns wen my updates are a little longr but that nevr used to hapn bfr

Y is it somtymz the iphone app jus turnz in to a whyt screen an then i hav to delete it an instal it again

Sory 4 da trobl bt if u can hlp m out on all or any one of these quires id realy apriciate

What the fuck?????????

Run! It’s an Earthquack!

EARTHQUACK!

The anonymous tips box for the blog I work on just unearthed its dumbest gem yet. I swear, I am not making any of these up, and I did not edit a single character:

I think to save the Nuclear Power Plant in Future in accudent of Earthquack or Tsunami to creat the undergroung Mega Pipe Line from Sea of Water & That Mega Pipe Line attach to that Nuclear Power Project & which these system creat at that time the will be use for the cooling for Nuclear temperature. These mega pipe line built up as a fountain & save the lIVELYHOOD energy & Earth.

I have a vision in my head of Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction pointing his gun at this person and yelling, “ENGLISH, mother FUCKER, do you SPEAK IT?” I’d be careful of that Earthquack, though. It may walk like a duck and talk like a duck, but it will most definitely fuck you up. And it won’t be an accudent.

The anonymous tips box: the gift that just keeps on giving

dumb ass ...

This afternoon, I received yet another nugget of stupidity via the anonymous tips box on my professional blog. This one is a real winner. Unedited, as always:

I would like to fine some lacks made in the USA. How do do fine the clothing made in USA/ I shop on the internet because I am simi handcapped.

Perhaps you should “fine” a clue, which you obviously “lacks.” I write for a blog that covers the media industry and its use of social media and Web 2.0. This isn’t Nordstrom’s, and I am not your personal shopper. “How do do fine the clothing made in USA?” Why don’t you try to “do do fine” fucking Google first, jackass? You may be “simi handcapped,” but you are 100% stupid. Go bother someone else.

Another moron who doesn’t understand the concept of an email tip button on a blog

The stupidity continues. For some reason, people think that the anonymous tip inbox on the blog I work for gives them a direct pipeline to whoever can fulfill their desires. This gem came in last night (unedited, as always):

please give me fb credits

No. I will not give you Facebook Credits. Even if I had the means to give you Facebook Credits, which I clearly do not, you are a moron and don’t deserve Facebook Credits. Go find a fire, and die in it.

You are writing the editors of a blog, jackasses. This is not Facebook. This is not the government, including President Obama. Cris Collinsworth does not work here.

I really hope none of the people who send emails like this actually procreate. There are enough brain-dead idiots in this world.

Damn those law makers in WAshington

Please follow the advice, k? Thx!

I received yet another gem in my always amusing anonymous tip inbox for the blog I actually get paid to write. As always, unedited:

could you please ask those law makers in WAshington. Why they don’t take a pay cut they sure want everyone else to tighten their belts, they get healthcare the rest of their lives and a big pension ,. so, if we have to cut “Why don’t they?”

The last time I checked, the word “personal secretary” does not appear in the job description for “blogger.” If you want to contact “those law makers in WAshington,” do it yourself, ass hat, and stay out of our anonymous tip box or I’ll hunt you down and feed you your keyboard and mouse.

People get dumber by the second, I swear.

Bringing your massege to OBAMA ASAP

My head hurts ...

The “send an anonymous tip” e-mail feature for the blog I’ve been working on delivered another gem this weekend. Unedited:

Iam proud to be Egyptian Canadian and would like to address my opinion in Egyptian crisis in order to stop violence in Egypt Right now so I have massege to OBAMA how to del with the current situation THX

First off, what makes you think a blog that covers how media companies are using social media and other Web 2.0 technology has a direct pipeline to the president of the United States?

Second, if I did, no offense, but getting myself a full-time job would be Nos. 1-999 on my priority list. I don’t mean to trivialize or minimize the turmoil going on in Egypt. Many people are dying every day, and much damage is being done to the country. But you might want to bring your “massege” to someone who could actually do something with it, in the unlikely event that it actually contains anything useful.

I swear, for every useful e-mail that comes in via that tip button, I get about 500 like the one above. People are morons.