Unemployment Nine: You’re too good

Something that I feared would happen actually occurred today, just adding to the frustration of being unemployed.

I got an e-mail from the company I interviewed with last week, basically saying that they chose someone else for the position because they felt I was overqualified.

It wasn’t your typical form-letter rejection e-mail. When I read it, the fact that it was a personal e-mail was more than clear. The two people I interviewed with went out of their way to say they were “very impressed” with me, which isn’t the kind of compliment usually included in a form e-mail.

I can’t say I was shocked. The two people I met with expressed concern that the job was a step down from what I had been doing.

But people in a position to hire need to understand something: In today’s economy, which is getting worse by the millisecond, taking a potential step backward isn’t the worst possible move.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that people making hiring decisions need to realize that while they may view a potential backward move as going from 100 down to 70, from the perspective of the unemployed, we view it as going from 0 to 70. If there wasn’t an interest on our part, we wouldn’t waste our time — regardless of the wealth of unexpected free time we might be “enjoying” — if we weren’t interested in the position.

Calgon, take me away!

Unemployment Nine: A much-needed laugh

Being unemployed sucks, but every once in a while, you come across something so funny that it makes you forget the stress and frustration you’re experiencing.

My future employer?

While browsing the web/info design job listings on craigslist, I came across the following gem (I left in all of the mistakes): Dominatrix is looking for an “Intern” to photoshop fetish pictures for website. If you know how to edit videos as well thats a plus. There is NO PAY. Instead you will have the opportunity to work with one of the best Domms in NYC. If youre looking for payment, do not call.

I mean, seriously, where do I start? I found this about an hour ago and I’m still coughing and laughing.

Thank you, Mistress Whateveryournameis, I needed that!

Unemployment Nine: Bittersweet deposit

I just got back from depositing a check. Normally, this would be good news for anyone, especially the unemployed, but this one was kind of bittersweet.

Several weeks before my job was yanked from under me, I bought two tickets to see AC/DC at Madison Square Garden. The check I deposited today was the money I received for selling those tickets.

Back in Black

I grew up on AC/DC. Back in Black was one of the first records (yes, records) I ever bought. And I cackled like a 13-year-old the first time I heard “Big Balls,” which was nothing unusual, since I actually was a 13-year-old. The last time I saw them live — in the late 1990s, also at the Garden — they were amazing.

But cuts have to be made somewhere until my situation is stable. And the party for my softball league, during which my team received its championship trophy, was being held the same night. So, the choice came down to the following: $95 plus Ticketmaster charges for the show, or a free three-hour open bar? The open bar won, and I think there’s still some Yuengling left in my bloodstream.

A little bit of the pain was taken away when I saw the set list for the show I would have seen: 14 songs. Weak. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by some of my other favorite artists, like the nearly four-hour marathon shows put on by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band and the good solid three hours usually offered by Rush. But 14 songs during your first tour in years? Weak.

I can’t wait until I’m back in a situation where I can do what I want again.

Alaska … WTF?

I’m really starting to wonder if the citizens of Alaska consume far too many shots of whale blubber and vodka before heading to the polls.

Alaskan flag

I already wondered about the sanity of our northernmost brethren when Gov. Sarah Palin became one of the most mocked public figures in quite some time. Bill Maher hit the nail on the head when he referred to Palin as a “retarded stewardess.”

But let’s put aside the pride of Wasilla for now. Lord knows the voters did.

Incumbent Sen. Ted Stevens, who was convicted of felony corruption charges in October, barely — and I mean barely — lost his bid for re-election. An 85-year-old convicted felon only lost an election for a Senate seat by 1%, or 3,724 votes. Are you serious?

To quote a CNN.com story from Oct. 27, “Stevens was convicted of seven counts of making false statements on Senate ethics forms to hide hundreds of thousands of dollars of gifts and work on his Alaska home from an oilfield contractor at the center of a corruption investigation in the state.”

And he only lost by 3,724 votes? Unless he has a really large family, he shouldn’t have even totaled 3,724 votes!

I can’t get the picture out of my head of Stevens sitting there, shaking his fists at Mystery Inc. and saying, “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids … and that DOG!”

Seriously, people, how about thinking before you vote?

Unprofessional professional football players

One of the great things about the National Football League is that with every single season, week or game, you have a chance to see something you never thought would happen.

This past week was no exception, and I’m still shaking my head.

Donovan McNabb

Donovan McNabb, quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles, didn’t know the NFL’s overtime rules.

Donovan McNabb, who is paid handsomely to be the field general for a team that’s been in steady contention for several seasons, didn’t know the rules.

I personally agree with McNabb that ties are lame, and I favor something along the lines of the overtime process in college football, where each team gets the ball at least once and, no matter how many possessions it takes, a winner eventually emerges.

Regardless of how McNabb or I feel about the NFL rules, though, rules are rules. And as the leader of the offense in a sport that has become a full-time job, how do you not know such an important rule?

If I were an Eagles fan (and thank God I’m not), I’d have to wonder if the offense would have operated a little more efficiently if McNabb knew the rule. I didn’t watch this game, so I can’t pick out any examples, but is it possible that the Eagles took their time in the huddle and didn’t urgently get back to the huddle after plays because they assumed the game would go on once the “fifth” quarter ended?

I’m obviously not saying the Eagles weren’t trying to score. The aim of every offensive possession is to score. And in an overtime situation against a weaker team, the last thing you want to do is give that weaker team an opportunity to end the game with one play.

I’m just baffled that the quarterback of an NFL team was completely clueless regarding the overtime rule. How is that possible?

(By the way, for two hilarious pictures making fun of McNabb, courtesy of ProFootballTalk.com, click here and scroll down a little bit.)

And before you think I’m picking on a team I hate, my favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys, won a huge divisional game at the Washington Redskins but still continued to make the types of mistakes that make me want to heave a beer bottle through the television.

As I said in a previous blog (I’m allowed to plagiarize myself, aren’t I?): The days of NFL players using training camp to get into shape are long gone. Now there are mini-camps, passing camps, organized team activities and countless other opportunities for players to work with their teammates. By this stage of the NFL season, teammates have worked together so much that everything should be running like a finely tuned machine.

So why is it that a huge first down by the Cowboys was wiped away by an illegal-formation penalty? How many times was this play worked on in practice? And the wide receivers still didn’t know that they had to line up behind the line of scrimmage, and not on the line of scrimmage?

And don’t even get me started on the constant false-start penalties.

To quote a good friend and fellow Cowboys fan: “This is NOT a hobby … this is what you do for a LIVING.”

I sometimes think the eight-on-eight rough-touch bar-league team I played on for years was more disciplined than some of these NFL teams. We paid to play on the bar team, unlike these stooges, who get paid millions upon millions of dollars. And the Eagles and Cowboys are supposedly upper-echelon squads — hell, the Cowboys were Super Bowl favorites in a lot of national publications.

I guess they can’t fit getting a clue under the salary cap.

Unemployment Nine: Another ride on the roller coaster

Stop the roller coaster: I want to get off.

Today has been quite the eventful day. I got a rejection e-mail, almost immediately followed by a phone call to set up an interview next week.

confused

I was even more surprised by this rejection than I was by the one I endured a couple of weeks ago, from a major media company. I would have bet a paycheck (if I had one to bet) that I was at least going back for a second interview.

This job was with a city agency, and it was one of the more interesting interviews I’ve had. The woman I met with, who would have been my boss, did something people don’t usually do while interviewing potential employees: She mentioned quite a few pitfalls of the job, among them the red tape you’d expect with any government job and the fact that they’d been fighting for months to remedy a subpar Internet connection (kind of important for an Internet job, don’t you think?). But I stayed focused and positive (which isn’t the easiest thing for me, as anyone who has read this blog probably figured out already) and assured her that I’ve worked through similar problems and didn’t see any of them as an issue.

I really thought I nailed this interview, and the rejection e-mail definitely threw me for a loop. I’m generally pretty good about evaluating how an interview went, and I was almost positive I’d get second interviews with both the major media company and this job. I can’t help but wonder why that didn’t happen.

I guess part of it is that with so many people getting laid off every day, the competition is much tougher than in “normal” times. It’s a lot easier to compete with 10 people than with 200.

Another thing that probably isn’t helping is the fact that I’m a white male. Disclaimer: I am not racist, and I support programs that help minorities and women find work, so spare me your venom in my comments section. But it’s hard to ignore the idea that if the choice comes down to myself or a minority/female, the other person may get the nod for diversity purposes. Maybe that already happened, and maybe it didn’t. I’ll never know. But it’s a strong possibility.

The good news is that while I was sitting at my PC digesting the rejection e-mail, the phone rang, and I will have my first interview in nearly four weeks next Wednesday morning, for an Internet and e-mail marketing firm in the Wall Street area.

It will actually be a welcome inconvenience to break out the jacket and tie again, because I despise getting dressed up but, obviously, it’s a necessary evil for job interviews.

I will also finally shave. I haven’t shaved since my last job interview, a little more than three weeks ago, and I’m really starting to look like Tom Hanks’ character in Cast Away. Another few days and I might have painted a face on one of my old softballs and started talking to it and calling it “Clincher.” As it is, I’ve been talking to the cats way too much.

Yesterday marked six weeks of unemployment and counting. This sucks.

Errands, Hoboken-style

I’ve finally dried off enough to sit at the keyboard and not short-circuit my PC. Why was I soaking wet? Simple: I just got back from running errands, Hoboken-style.

flooding in Hoboken

Why, you ask, is the act of running errands different in Hoboken than in other places? Elementary, my dear Watson: In normal places, when you have errands to run and it’s raining outside, you wait for the rain to let up, and then head out. In Hoboken, you leave during the teeth of the storm and drive through torrential rain in order to get home before the flood waters hit.

So if you happened to drive by BJ’s in Jersey City and saw a frazzled, drenched guy cursing up a storm while loading G2 and cat food into his Honda, my apologies for not saying hi, but I was preoccupied with trying to keep from drowning.

They seriously need to fix the infrastructure in this town.

Unemployment Nine: I don’t like Mondays

Uh-oh: Sounds like SOMEBODY’S got a case of the Mondays. And that somebody is yours truly.

Case of the Mondays

Believe it or not, in the five weeks or so that I’ve been unemployed, I’ve begun to dislike Mondays more so than when I actually had to go to work.

Why? Simple: I’ve found Mondays to be the least productive weekday in terms of job ads. Battling the feeling of being useless and wasting your days is one of the hardest parts of being unemployed, and that’s very difficult to do when you don’t even think of sending out a single résumé, as has been the case pretty much every Monday since I was laid off.

E-mail’s dead, the phone is quiet, and the cats are unconscious (although the latter applies 365 days per year, 366 during Leap Years).

And I can’t even rely on Monday Night Football to break the doldrums, because tonight’s game — San Francisco at Arizona — can only possibly appeal to friends, family and anyone who needs to make up a few points in their fantasy league. Since the odds of Cardinals wide receiver Steve Breaston earning 74 points are somewhere around 7 trillion-1, I have zero interest in this football game.

Mondays suck.

Unemployment Nine: Why some people are unemployed

I had to attend a mandatory career-counseling session today, and I really want those two hours of my life back, along with the other hour-and-a-half or so that it took me to travel to and from Varick Street and the mouth of the Holland Tunnel.

I understand that the New York State Department of Labor wants to be sure people who are receiving unemployment benefits are actually looking for work. It’s their right. I actually didn’t really have a problem with the session itself. But some of the winners I got stuck with would be lucky to find water if they fell out of a boat.

DUH

Everyone had to fill out a form. It was pretty straightforward stuff, and the directions were fairly clear. Yet you would think some of these people were asked to sketch the schematic diagram of a Formula One engine. Some of the questions I heard made me want to jump out of my seat and yell, “Duh, no WONDER you can’t find a JOB.” But that would have been quite hypocritical for obvious reasons: If I had a job, I wouldn’t have been stuck in the room with these Mensa candidates.

Then once all of the forms were properly filled out, I started to get a sense of some of the personalities in the room, and many of them deserved swift kicks about the rear end.

The ones who really pissed me off:

• The dickhead who arrived 20 minutes late and was openly shocked and stunned when he discovered he wouldn’t be the first one dismissed. Right, because your time is worth so much more than mine or that of any of the other 50-something people in the room. Jackass.

• The guy with the accent that made Apu from The Simpsons sound like the King’s English, who was really trying to be helpful by answering other people’s questions but was likely only confusing them further.

• The very well-dressed and very attractive blond woman who looked down at everyone else in the room with a glare of utter disdain, the way she would look at a scuff on her $500 black pumps. I hate people who think they’re better than everyone else. She went from a nine when she first walked into the room to a negative 40 when I saw the smug look on her face.

• The woman who took everything said by the people running the seminar as a personal attack. They mentioned an organization called the Grace Institute, which offers training classes for women in business and administrative skills, and this hothead automatically took it to mean that all the women in the room should abandon their careers and become secretaries. Uh, dummy, that was not at ALL what they meant. Settle down and perhaps lower your caffeine dosage.

If these were the only people I was competing against, I’d have had a job offer about 36 seconds after getting laid off. But I know there are plenty of people in the unemployment pool who are just as smart as I am and, perish the thought, possibly even smarter.

I wish these people luck, though. They seemed like relatively nice folks — well, except for the blond. I hope she ends up waiting tables.

Unemployment Nine: Concerned about trends in job listings

As my search for gainful employment enters month two, I’ve obviously looked at a crap load of job listings, having long ago given up the fantasy that the Great Pumpkin will rise out of the pumpkin patch and hand me a job.

However, even in as short of a period as one month (one month and two days, if you want to be picky), I’ve noticed a lot of worrisome trends within the job listings.

Job listings

First off, companies are getting a lot pickier. Instead of just asking for general publishing experience or Web experience, they’re really honing in on exactly what the job entails.

Anyone looking for help is obviously in a position of power right now, with more and more layoffs occurring each day in the media industry and the overall job force. So I can’t say I blame those in charge of hiring for trying to hone in on the perfect candidate.

But it’s a little discouraging to know that with every résumé and cover letter I e-mail, not only am I competing against many more people than I would be in a “normal” economy, but within that larger pool, there are bound to be applicants who have experience in that specific sector. I’m not being pessimistic, just realistic.

Another trend I’ve noticed: In the handful of listings that include the salary being offered, the numbers are dropping off a cliff. Again, I harbor no malice toward those overseeing the hiring process. Why pay more when you can pay less for the same service? And realistically, I’ve been prepared to take a pay cut. The economy is what it is and, right now, it’s pretty bad. I don’t expect a pay hike or even a lateral move.

But no matter how bad things get, I am in no position to take a job that pays one-half of what I was making. And I’m not exaggerating — I’ve seen several listings offering exactly one-half of my old salary. Since we’re talking about media and publishing, my old salary comes up a little bit short when compared with that of, say, Alex Rodriguez. The thought of settling for one-half of that is, to say the least, unsettling.

I wonder how long it takes to learn how to work a deep fryer.