9nine9’s Weblog

I’d like to thank Continental Airlines for playing an important part in the fight against terrorism. Thanks to whoever examined my bag at Newark Liberty International Airport Saturday, the world is a safer place.

Apparently, my GPS caught the attention of this faithful soldier. Because, you know, the GPS is such a newfangled device, and no one would ever think to actually travel with one. I mean, what’s next? Some sort of thingamajig that actually plays music without using a cassette tape?

So my bag was pulled for further inspection and never made it onto my flight, which I discovered after 20 minutes of scanning the baggage conveyor belt, only to see a bag in a bin marked, “LAST BAG.”

Fine, better safe than sorry: I can see how a GPS going through an X-ray machine might arouse some suspicion. However, Continental’s superhero-like efforts didn’t stop there.

My bag was supposed to be on a later plane Saturday, and then delivered to my hotel. But the courier used by the airline is apparently also a vital part of the anti-terrorism forces. They were so careful to ensure the integrity of my luggage that it took 16 hours to deliver one bag from an airport located 20 minutes away. I guess they wanted to make sure my duffel bag wasn’t trying to incite other luggage into starting a jihad.

And when my bag finally arrived, all my clothes were present, as was my GPS and its power cord. But my Oakley sunglasses and their metal case were nowhere to be found. I suppose you can call them a casualty in the war against terror, but that would be disrespectful to those who are actually putting their lives on the line in the real war against terror. So let’s call my Oakleys what they really are: STOLEN.

Taking 16 hours to deliver a bag 20 minutes away, and then helping yourself to my sunglasses? I don’t know if an employee of Continental or the courier is now shielding his or her eyes from harmful ultraviolet rays on my dime, but I present two raised middle fingers to whoever the thief might be. And those were my favorite sunglasses, too. Bastards.